We are designed for interaction. Real physical reactions occur in the body to feeling emotionally deserted, rejected, or abandoned. We try to mask and cope with the pain, but nothing fills the void other than experiencing the security found in a loving and emotionally present relationship. It is true, neglect will kill love. It is equally true that a secure loving person in our life can empower us to become better individuals. When you know someone is in your corner, you have the freedom to take on the highs and lows of life.
EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) focuses on creating and strengthening emotional bonds. It fosters open, in-tuned and responsiveness to one another. Instead of continuing to avoid a confrontation or raise our voice to convey the importance of an issue, we can connect with our partner on an intimate level. Partners are able to recognize the signs that would have previously lead to disconnection. Instead, the safety of the new bond creates a freedom to risk with one another. The strength of the relationship is solidified by asking for what one needs in a situation verses reacting from a position of lack.
Connection is the antidote to the cycle of indifference
When you feel distant, cycles of insecurity push partners further and further away. It creates stressful environments and we try to minimize our natural longing for connection. We stay busy, refocusing our attention, and either ignore or indulge the pain. We assume from a posture of “knowing” the intentions of others. We are on guard and defensive. The pattern between the partners becomes automatic and feelings of despair begin to take root.
EFT changes the cycle, the dance between two people who want to connect. Positive emotional bonding moments foster unity. EFT identifies the pattern as the enemy and therefore changes the “stuck” negative cycle to create lasting, secure bonds. Connection is the antidote to the cycle of indifference.
Strengths of Emotionally Focused Therapy
- EFT is based on clear, explicit conceptualizations of marital distress and adult love. These conceptualizations are supported by empirical research on the nature of marital distress and adult attachment.
- EFT is collaborative and respectful of clients combining experiential Rogerian techniques with structural systemic interventions.
- EFT has been validated by over 20 years of empirical research.
- EFT has been applied to many different kinds of problems and populations.
Goals of Emotionally Focused Therapy
- To expand and re-organize key emotional responses – the music of the attachment dance.
- To create a shift in partners’ interactional positions and initiate new cycles of interaction.
- To foster the creation of a secure bond between partners.
* Source: ICEEFT.