“‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.” (Matt. 22:37-40 MSG)
Did you catch the directive? “As you love yourself…” Hmmm.
Insecurity, lack of love for self, hinders relationships. There, I said it. I do not mean being haughty, arrogant, or prideful, I mean loving your imperfect self. Having the awareness that you are not perfect, and yet you are a treasured possession (Deut. 7:6 ), uniquely and wonderfully made (Gal. 1:15 ). The value of your individuality is by design. You are perfectly you!
I believe it is impossible to fully love others if you NEED them to love you, to prove your value. If you are seeking this kind of attention, you can overwhelm another person. They could end up in relationship with your need, instead of with you. Sadly, you both lose out because the need is insatiable. It believes the lies of the negative self. Pseudo-selves begin to emerge and “knowing” one another is given way to logistical navigations. An insecure individual will respond by over demanding attention to receive validation or push away attention to hide their insecure self. The polarization of the above responses [to insecurity] often find their way into relationships. Insecurity is a thief of God’s plan. Through Christian Counseling a person can learn to be their imperfect self and be loved all the more. The strength of a secure bond enables the exposure of vulnerabilities and allows us to recognize behaviors that hinder connection. Love in a trusting relationship empowers individuality. The more safely connected you are, the more individuality you get to explore and develop. It is not unlike other Scriptural principles, i.e forgiveness & generosity: the more you give the more you get, “give, and it will be given to you, pressed down, shaken together and running over” ( Luke 6:38). During Premarital Therapy, we address this foundational premise of secure attachment from the beginning, laying a bedrock of security on which to build.